What your local minimart clerk does in his free time.

I really don’t know what to say about this this guy. I guess he is a rapper and his gimmick is that he is some sort of zombie rapper thug from beyond the grave. I like the wounds on his arms, they really add a touch of class and bring his act to a whole new level. Because nobody can take a Zombie seriously unless they have some pieces missing or large holes in their undead flesh especially if they are a supposed “thug”. Zombie thugs have to have the juice or they get dead quick. Wait, wouldn’t they just keep shooting each other until they ran out of bullets?

And be sure to check out his prison art, a modern day renaissance man.

Word.

I watch this crap so you don't have to.

Here are some movie reviews for all of you and to be less boring than usual I’ll keep them short and sweet.

Doom – As a fan of the video game I was sort of obligated to see this movie, it is exactly what you would expect. Some space marines go to mars and they shoot some big f-ing monster/demon things. Don't bother watching this it would be better to wait until you are flipping channels and watch a couple of minutes of it. I guess it was better than infomercials.

Silent Hill - Alien and I went to this movie because the girls were out of town. We went despite knowing it would probably suck but it was our risk to take. As Alien put it “I don’t know if it will be any good but Jules would never go to a movie like that.” I think that freedom to make a dumb decision blurred our judgment and the slim hope it wouldn’t suck seemed brighter that it should have. How bad was it? I’ll put it this way; people were laughing and talking during the entire movie and no one cared.

Hostel – This was a so, so fick. Basically a simple story about some guys backpacking in Europe. They get a lead on this youth hostel that is some sort of freaky sex club. They end up hanging out with these hottttt foreign chicks who end up drugging them and selling them to some bad dudes. The bad dudes run a place where you can kill a human for a nominal fee. Pretty messed up torture scenes but not as bad as I anticipated.

Beep Blarp Blarp

Dear Fuckface,

If you haven’t noticed that the cubicle walls that separate the desks in this office, like any office, are mainly there to mark off your territory. The by no means actually separate you from the rest of us. Cubicle walls are a fictitious barrier provided to the worker to keep us from having to look others in the eye too often and to give us the illusion of personal space. They do however provide us with the luxury of hearing everything our neighbor’s do. Right down to the light clicks of the keyboard and the shuffling of paper.
Subsequently, when you are playing with your new fancy cell phone it isn’t as though you are really in your own little world. I get sort of, well pissed off when I hear every beep of the keys as you navigate through what seems like never ending menu options. I would also rather not be subject to hearing every ringtone on your phone 5 times. Did you ever stop to think that I might not want to be a witness as you construct your personal identity that you present to the outside world with your ringtone? That I might not want to be caught up in your careful selection of which zany sound or clip of the new Black Eyed Peas song really communicates to the world what type of person you are or what you want to be perceived as? It doesn’t really matter which one you choose. Because no matter which one becomes your new theme song, it will still be the theme song of an annoying shit-bag. Play with your new crap somewhere else, I’m trying to look busy.

L.

Title goes here

The Wife and I are driving home from dinner on Saturday night with Mom and Buckles ridding presidential.

Load “What do you guys want to do?”

Wife “Can’t we rent a game?”

Load “What do you mean, like board games? Who the hell rents board games?”

Wife “Nooo, like DVD games.”

Load “What?”

Wife “You know like “Yell at the TV” or something.”

Monday email from the Wife.

the Wife

"By the way the cats claws need to be cut. This morning she was pawing at the covers trying to get under and she was annoying me, so I kept pushing her away. She then proceeded to put her front paws on my face and go "brrrt, brrrt." So I grabbed her to get her off of my face and she obviously felt the need to hang on for dear life, by letting her claw scrape across my face as I dragged her off. I then grabbed her and shoved her under the covers where she was content until the alarm went off.
When I finally woke up, I noticed my cheek was stinging a little bit. Looked in the mirror and I have this nice 4-5" cat scratch on my lower cheek, near my mouth.
Its great. My face looks like one of the Latino hookers in Kill Bill."

"Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women!"

We took the nephew down to the farmers market last weekend to meet up with J&A. I came across a cool booth run by a company called March Biological that sold natural solutions to pest control. I decided to add to my arsenal in my war against my yard so I made two key purchases: a Preying Mantis egg sack and some Nematodes.

Preying Mantis are pretty badass as many of you know so I won’t bore you with the details. Though I will provide you with a link to a video displaying the power of these magnificent inscects: preying mantis vs. a mouse (link goes directly to video). What is cool is that there are 100-200 in each egg sack!


The Nematodes on the other hand are quite interesting. From the March Biological Website:

Beneficial Nematodes are microscopic and live below the soil surface and like a moist environment. Looking like short non-segmented worms these voracious predators make their way through your lawn and garden looking for food. Nematodes do not harm worms, birds, plants or the environment, in fact they are part of the environment and are found the world over.
When the nematode comes in contact with a pest the attack by entering through body openings or simply by boring through the body wall, once inside the Nematode will release a bacteria that kills it's host within 48 hours. They will feed and reproduce before exiting in search of fresh prey.

That sounds like a shitty way to die but its my yard and I pay the taxes.

Guest Post from the Wife

I met the dumbest girl ever.

I meet this girl named Nancy the other day, an extremely pail white girl with blonde dreadlocks and red sunken eyes, which I at first thought was some strange make up, but then realized this girl was either severely deprived of sleep or whatever her drug of choice is.

Anyhow I immediately disliked this girl, which if you know me, I’m usually not big on making snap decisions whether I do or do not like someone. However this was how our meeting went.

“Hi, I’m Nancy.”
“I’m Kashmura”
“Can I call you Katharine? That would be easier for me to remember.”
“No.”

LOAD: "For those of you that have never heard the Wife’s cold let-get-down-to-business tone, it’s brutal. She has never used it on me but I have seen her pull it out in situations that call for it. Case in point was when she called the travel agent on our honeymoon because they had sold us rooms in a hotel that was under construction. It is bone chilling to watch people’s responses to it. They tend to step back a few feet followed by a moment of silence. Sort of like a verbal missle that stuns her opponents."