Which Lake?

The Wife and I went camping with the dog last weekend. Attendance was as follows in no particular order: C-Budd, LL, Murphy, Goose, Turd, Tex, the Jigga, Wej and Tigo.

Murph and C-Budd found a lake, a lake that shall not be named, I don’t want more people knowing about it. Great location despite the horse fly bite I received. The hike in I could have done without but the company and scenery made it worth while.

I learned that despite what the Wife and I thought; Kimber likes to swim. That or she is still trying it out. It all started when Kimber was running around with a dog, Jackson, from the only other camp up there. We were in the process of setting up our tent and we hear Turd say “your dog just jumped in the lake”. I had to ask him to clarify if it was actually her, which was confirmed seconds later by the drenched pooch presenting herself. I then questioned Turd further about whether it was a jump vs. a running and can’t stop situation. Maybe that other dog pushed her in as some sort of cruel stunt? Using skills he learned in his “Witness Coaching” and “How to Win a Case On Looks Alone” classes he assured me that she had jumped in on her own accord. The Wife and I were still in disbelief until the dog did it again after following Murphy down the shore a ways.

We went swimming later and coaxed the dog back in the water after a long solo of wines and guttural howls. I tried to calm her down out in the water only to get the shit scratched out of my chest. I got off easy because the wife got a scratch from her eye down to her lip that was still purple on Monday. The dog was a spastic swimmer and kept biting at the water as she attempted to swim through it.

I was fortunate enough to wake up at 6:45am with a face full of sunlight and a full bladder. Being so early and me being so f-ing awake I took the dog on a walk to save the others from a similar fate. I had to go off trail to get around the other tents because they were pitched on the only trail around the lake. In doing so I got the walking tour of where everyone goes to the bathroom, or what I dubbed “the trail of tears”. One plus about being up so early is that I was able to get some cool pictures of the sunrise and the lake.

Very fun trip and I would certainly drag my ass up that hill again.

Junk Email Cleanup

I received this email from a ‘Lewis Blackburn’ the other day. I found it captivating and thought I should share:


They hadbeen obliged to fetch horses to drag Progress up the hill! They would laugh at him in the family if they knew hed beenlooking at their roots. Change, its all onthe surface, thought Soames; the roots are the same. While she washed off powder and put it on again Fleur thought:Dear Dad!
I thought perhaps you were secretly afraid of settling again.
She started the car, and, once out of the lane, drove at a greatpace. Im tired, Dad; and youll have a long day to-morrow. Then, with her heart beatingfast, she went up and rang the bell.
Suppose Jon remained immovably opposed to secrecy.
If she claimed him,if she decided on declaring their act of union, he supposed it did.
Looking down in disapproval at a flat stone, he saw on the worn andlichened surface a capital F.
Soames was impressed, indeed, by theextreme emptiness of this parish where his roots lay. I want the vicarage now, or whatever it is. Jon was hers now, he could not betray their secretunless she gave him leave.
Very slowly shedrove, and only when she reached the Dorking road did she quiteabandon hope.
He stepped back to the window, andstopped with his heart in his mouth. She left him at ten oclock, brushing his nose with her lips. Soames got into the car, and, opening his packet ofsandwiches, began to eat.
Now, let me come and tell you how to get to it. CHAPTER XBITTER APPLELife revived in Fleur while she went about her business in themorning.
Sheknows, thought Jon, she knows something.
For a moment he seemed to understand even himself. Where had she read that one always looked ones worst in a mirror? She rose from her knees, and stood peering intothe brightened dusk.
He rode slowly so as to have the less time at home,dreading the night.

Kepulchura guest post

From the Wife:

MUST LOVE DOGS

Our dear friend Lamb Chop, has been doing us the favor of taking our dog to the dog park on days that I have class in the evening. Load late so days that I have class would mean the dog would be locked up with out exercise for 12 plus hours and we would come home to an extremely frustrated and hyper puppy. Everyone’s heard of the repercussions of this with the blog about the couch incident.
Anyhow, it seems Lamb Chop has figured out a way to work this obligation to her favor. Lamb Chop and Megs were at the park with my dog and noticed a young man in a suite talking on a cell phone with no dog of his own in sight. Curious about this, Megs and Lamb Chop begin discussing the possibilities that perhaps he is just there to try to impress chicks, a popular dog park misconception. To test this theory, they make a Hollywood attempt to catch this guy’s attention. Using my dog as bait, they throw the ball towards the young man. Now, a little back ground on my dog’s ball playing abilities. She is the most ungraceful ball player in history. Throw the ball, she’ll scamper, scamper, scamper after it until the ball comes to a slow stop, then unable to slow herself down she will run past it about 10 feet and then run back to retrieve it, if another dog had not done so already. With that said, after Lamb Chop threw the ball towards this young man, my dog slides past the ball with her usual M.O. only this time sliding into the man like he were the catcher blocking home plate. I’m afraid Lamb Chop and Megs preceding laughter mixed with apologies did nothing to open the door of conversation.

Jesus Freaking Christ

Penicillin: the breakfast of champions (Remcommended)

I’ve got a virus or malware of some sort on my work PC. It is a clever one because our tech tried to kill it for 2 hours last night and it kept coming back like David Spade's career. It attempts to trick the user to install a virus scanner, ironic? Anyways it came with this great screen prompt. Sorry for the quality but screen capture isn’t my forte.

"Bank Bank" - that sounds dirty

From The Wife:

I’m at the bank finishing up my transaction, when all of a sudden the loudest most prolonged CRASH occurs behind me. I turn around and in the middle of a 6 foot x 6 foot pile of scattered coins and glass is a little girl standing there with her eyes welling up and her hands covering her mouth. The entire bank is staring. She immediately looks over at a man standing at the very edge of the pile, (Her father, who had keenly jumped out of harms way.) She hops through the pile to him, throws her arms around him, hides her face in his chest, and says, “Daddy, what do I do??”

His response………with his arms in the air as if told to do so by the cops, he says, “I don’t know………, don’t get cut?”

My first thought, “Ever heard of coinstar?”

- Keshmura

Whale Tale

This picture is from an article about the woman pictured having inappropriate relations with a 13 year old boy. What got me was under her picture on the web page was the word “+enlarge”. Is that possible?
Click Me for the Article

Goose nabs Turd: a wedding story

The Wedding went off without a hitch. I thought it looked great, sounded great and the guests (including myself) had a blast.

The only thing I would have changed, besides my shoes, was that the reception would have been longer because we were all having so much freaking fun. As for the shoes, for those of you that didn’t hear me bitching about them, the damn things were hurting my feet so bad that I considered stealing Hip E’s gay buckle shoes from Johnny D.

Hip E didn’t loose the rings and gave a great speech though I was blamed somewhat directly for Bain’s borderline psychosis in the process. Murphy did equally as well but should have included me because I am narcissist.

All the bridesmaids looked stunning as did the bride. Goose – good thing you don’t make friends with ugly people.

Bennett and I were amazed that Turd’s left leg, while anxiously awaiting his bride, could actually shake so fast that it was messing up our hair. That’s saying something considering we were on the end and how much fucking hair goop Bennett had in.

I would like to take the credit, though again I probably told everyone at the wedding, for the DJ playing “Shout”. I wish there were 30 songs like that to fill up every party.

Mikey H was the man with his pimp swagger while escorting C-Bud down the aisle shutting down Wally’s attempt at a 10.0 with the “politician” walk. (Point, Smile, Wink)

Wally was gay as usual, he wouldn’t talk to the female photographer who he thought was nice, even though she had already seen him in his underwear.

It was nice meeting more of the SF crew – Thrill, Rosie, and RB. I don’t have any dirt on you guys, good job. Except Pete and Johnny D, you know what you did.

Embers was great. And to everyone who thought that “going home to change my shoes” was some bullshit pass out excuse: eat shit. If you were there you know that I was tearing up the dance floor like a coked up werewolf. The next day the Wife and I remarked at how much fun we had. 4 hours later I had a fearful thought: did we have so much fun that we looked like total asses?

I’m still on the fence as to who won the ass out award. From what I saw/heard so far, I think the Aunt L may have won it by default with a paltry performance. She was just drunk off her ass and had no idea she was slurring as if someone had hit her with an elephant tranquilizer. Really not deserving of an award. I’ve done better at Brrrritts holiday parties. I don’t think there were any “stand-out” performances but we will find out Friday at the black cat when all the reports come in.