Conditions of exile on a pillow top Simmons

The Wife sent me this seemingly inappropriate dialogue that took place between us at about 5am.

Last night in bed:

Load--“Stop touching me.”
The Wife -- “I am your wife.”
Load --“What is that you are touching me with??”
The Wife --“My arm.”
Load -- “Well, it’s sticky….”
The Wife -- “I’m not sticky, maybe it is you that is sticky.”
Load -- “Maybe. Just stop touching me.”
The Wife -- “Fine.”

My dog is now a Pedigree, because I said so

I apologize for the lack of posts especially ones that are funny and un-boring and not full of grammatical errors and run on sentences.

Our Dog had surgery last Thursday to correct her hips. It turns out she had hip dysplasia and her hips were not staying in the socket of her joint. You could hear them pop every time she took a step so we knew it wasn’t good. The surgery went well and now she is in recovery. She still wants to run around but we have to keep her activity level very minimal so the $3600 surgery isn’t compromised. Now her butt looks like Frankenstein, all shaved and stitched up. If she heals well she should be able to be on full spaz mode in 4-6 months

Date night

The Wife and I went to see Jarhead this weekend at the Laurelhurst Theater It's pretty cool place mainly because they serve beer and every other row of seats has been replaced with tables to put your beer on. This also helps when some 7’ dude sits down in front of you and makes for copious amounts of leg room. The movie was pretty good, worth a rental or netflix.

The fun came during part of the movie where there are explosions, gun fire and suddenly it goes completely silent. Then “BUUUUURRRRRRRRRRPPPP!!” the wife belts one out. It was deafening to the point of some guy 5 rows up (10 in a conventional movie theater) immediately says “Oh my god!”. The movie sound continues and the wife is in a giggle fest for the next 20 minutes. When the lights came on the couple that was sitting in front of us gave me that look, you know the one where they are saying “you so nasty” with their eyes.

What a lady indeed.

Turf wars

An on going debate the wife and I have is over closet/dresser space. This also comes up when comparing luggage volume on trips. She thinks we should split the storage space equally which I disagree on the grounds that men’s clothes (not HipE’s) have more bulk to them than women’s. One of my basic black t-shirts (with the shlitz bull on it) is equal to 4-5 of the thin tiny short sleeve shirts that the wife wears in weight and volume. Being taller than her and not into tight clingy clothing it makes for more fabric to cover my fat ass which means in one suitcase per volume, I have fewer articles of clothing than her. This would also mean that if we were to split the storage space equally she would have 4-5 times more articles of clothing. I know women have are supposed to have more clothes than guys do but she already does. I think she could clothe a village if she gave them just her sweater collection.

Dr. Dog

Scientists are training dogs to sniff out cancer. I personally think it is pretty cool but I’m sure that dog is a real buzz kill at parties

Laundry theory

I was talking to the wife last night and we were musing on the large volume of laundry we seem to be producing lately. I told her that we were noticing it more now that we have to go outside our new (built in 1933) house and enter the basement from outside to get to the washing machine. When we were renting, our laundry facilities were in the downstairs hallway not 20 feet from our bedroom. It was easy to run it as soon as we accumulated a load. Now, especially in this wet weather, we tend to put it off until the weekend to put off getting soaked and cram it into one evening.

I also said that we probably have more laundry because it is winter time and that means long sleeves, more layers, more fabric, thus more laundry. The wife then pointed out that I was full of shit because I had made an opposite argument saying summer was a bigger laundry season. Being that in the summer one sweat-out clothing at least once if not twice a day requiring washing everything after wearing it once.

What does everyone else think? Winter or summer, which produces more laundry for you?

I should have thought of this...

Dead animals raise a stink in State College

STATE COLLEGE -- Police over the weekend responded to two separate calls involving roadkill.
In the first incident, individuals reported that a dead deer dressed in a man's dress shirt and tie, was found along the 200 block of North Atherton Street on Sunday.
It was unknown how the deer got to the area. There were no reports of any vehicles striking an animal in that area.

I find this really amusing. I think next time I go hunting I’m going to do this and get pictures, for posterity of course.

It does remind me of the time when I was a sophomore in high school. Hallboy, this kid Greg, and I were going downtown to hang out at the arcade and seedy coffee houses. We missed the bus and we started walking down Barbur Bulvd. Those of you that know Barbur runs on the side of a heavily wooded hill. Back then it would be difficult to walk on a major road in SW without seeing a dead opossum and that was especially true of this stretch. Chris got the bright idea to prop up their stiff bodies to look like a family of them walking across the street. It turned into a sort of weird social experiment. Some cars would carefully avoid them while others would swerve to inflict maximum damage. Now all I need is an extra dress shirt, a dear carcass and a Christmas tie.

Get off my lawn!

The Wife’s side of the fam damily met up at the farm last Saturday. Everyone had their own stuff to do with other parts of their respective families over the actually holidays but we still pulled it off. I had my first experience with “present givers disappointment syndrome”.

My nephew is 13 years old and his mom had given us a list of stuff he wanted. It was a well honed list reflecting a wide array of interests, but he sure wasn’t getting an X-Box 360 from me, I don’t even have one. One of his other items was a CD player. I thought I would be a freaking hero or Coolest Uncle for scoring him some electronic gear. I searched all over and found one that fit in the budget for the kids, which isn’t easy. Even in this day and age it is still hard to find a CD player for under $15. Keep in mind there are 7 kids on that side so that money adds up.

I was quite proud of my find. I had scoured the ads and hadn’t had much luck until Alien and I went to Fry’s Superstore on a whim. I found one that was on sale and then talked them down (Wejed) $5 more because the box was dented. The nephew also had starting to listen to Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, the Doors, etc so I sat down and burned him 4 CD’s so he could have some tunes to rock out to on his new boom box. To be honest it really isn’t a boom box because that would imply it looked cool and had some size to it. I think it was no bigger than a football but it played CD’s.

Anyways, we are sitting around watching the present feeding frenzy consisting of torn wrapping paper flying and kids frothing at the mouth patiently awaiting my cool gift to be opened. He finally gets to it and unwraps it and in the most monotone voice he says “oh……a…..stereo……” I wanted to kick him in the stomach. It was weird but it actually kind of hurt my feelings. It was my fault for building up an expectation in my mind.

One funny interaction that night:

Alien “T. your hair looks good red”
E. “It looks even better with her shirt off!”