Table Defense

I really want this, for work.

Office Person: "Hey I have a stupid question!"
Me: "Whap!!"


I would actually like to have one of these for the house. Because, you never know when a rampaging zombie or group of zombies might come calling. Seriously, I live really close to a huge graveyard and as a former boy scout I am have a thing about being prepared. I also have a bitter hatred for the undead for some reason.

And it’s so eye-catching and tasteful in its design, I wonder why IKEA isn't selling it.