Another reason why cubicles suck

We all hate it, the acrid smell of burning popcorn as it enters ones olfactory senses. This is one of the few things, not counting the old guys aftershave, that can actually flood the shared air space of a large office in a matter of seconds. It’s usually caused by some brainiac science type (you know, the ones that use numbers and stuff) who somehow has not yet learned to read the instructions on the freaking bag. The mutants in the lunch room seem to be able to get it right 95% of the time so why the computer programmer cannot fend for himself is beyond me. There is a gray area in the instructions as they are considered recommendations and the manufactures also suggest keeping an eye on your popcorn as it cooks. This is because there are too many variables for the manufacture to take into account. The obvious example is the varying degrees of power in retail microwaves. Some blame clearly needs to be on the manufacture for not coming up with a better indicator for the maximum corn threshold. Maybe a variation of the thing that pops out of the turkey on the holidays to tell you its done?

What really prompted this post was that three people made popcorn in the office today. They didn’t burn it so that was cool. The problem was that every god damned person that came in the office had to ask “Who made popcorn?” like it was an automatic reaction to smelling it. When no one answered they didn’t pursue it further they revealed that they really had no real intent or desire to know who the preparer of the puffed corn was. Over and over “Who cooked popcorn?” like some brainwashed religious fanatics that feel the need to say “blessed be his name” or some shit everytime their deity’s name is mentioned.

Why do they ask then? I started answering them and selling out the guy who had made the second batch to see if anyone would approach to beg for some. Not one person attempted to procure savory un-burnt puffed corn. If they didn’t want any popcorn what is the reason for knowing who has it? I can understand if it was burnt because that way blame can be assigned and the person is shamed in an attempt to curb future failures in cooking. The inquisitive sheep also seemed confused that someone answered the useless question / retarded observation: “Who made popcorn?”. I wonder if any of them questioned their actions, if they dug deep within themselves to try to figure out why and how to stop.

Of course SAW was on the stupid comment wagon the second she detected butter. When the second batch was made “Now whoooo made popcorn this time??? *snort*”