Load’s guide to moving about the populace

Let’s set the scene:

The hallway/sidewalk/approved pedestrian traveling space is 6 people lanes wide. For simplicity sake there are no obstacles i.e. fire hydrants, street vendors, bums, etc. You are walking down the right side in the second person space from the right. A group of 5 people are coming the opposite direction and they are spread out over the 6 lanes of traffic so you are now on a slow motion collision course with the outside edge of their posse. You move over to the edge of the pedestrian thurofare so you are now on the far right. You expect the members of the oncoming group to follow suit (shifting to your left) as a normal rational person would. But, the group ahead of you has not adjusted accordingly and the closest member is still in the lane you are occupying. You have no where else to go because of traffic/wall/etc and impact is 4 steps away: What do you do? What do you do?

A) Step into traffic to let the assholes by?

B) Cut hard left and go the long way around?

C) Hug the wall sideways and brace for impact?

D) Yell “watch the F-CK out” and hope they move and don’t know kickboxing?

E) Scale the wall like some freak science experiment gone bad?

F) Barrel through the group like a violent game of “Red Rover”

G) Or stop dead in your tracks with out turning to let them by.

I prefer G. This is because even though I prefer to not start confrontations, I am still a dick at heart. This option puts the ball in the offending party’s court. Reason being is you are now stopped. Running into a person standing still makes them the offender which is not the case if you are both in motion. If you are both in motion there could be a possible confrontation because there is always a gray area between the individuals opinion of who should have moved over more. After impact a well timed “Excuse you” in a snotty tone is a nice addition if you are fairly certain you can defend yourself if the need arises.

It is pretty funny if you try it. I have obtained various results from person on end stepping behind their acquaintance to full on impact (which one should brace for but not in an obvious manner like having a bent forward knee w/ shoulder down). Smaller persons sometimes bounce off (insert fat joke) which is always great. This technique works great at school, in the mall, on the sidewalk, post office, grocery store, work, playgrounds, you get the idea. Also, you shouldn't ever make eye contact. This only lets them know you did it on purpose.